Friday, May 28, 2010

Le Roi Est Mort, Vive Le Roi!!

"The King is back!! Ajeya... You are the King of this gang!!... The way he carries himself... The way he makes his decisions... He definetely is the King!!" These were the words told by someone close to me... Prahlad uncle. I didnt know what to say really... I repeated... I am the King??!!... then it gives me the power... power to decide... power to be responsible for others... Have I been running away from them... Have I been ignoring them... may be yes... more than i actually know...
This past week... a decision I had taken 2 years before... came back to haunt me... and haunt it did for 3 days... One thing I couldn't understand is that people whom I called friends... who left me high and dry came back and started apologizing for things they dont even remember what they did or why it went so wrong between us... The toughest part was to think what they wanted from me now... what next... why now... why me?! This time I gave it a thought... and boy am I happy with the result or what...
It took a lot out of me in thinking on how to get back... because even this time I had given a mouthful to everyone and I still had the same kind of anger I did 2 years ago... but then Ani came to the rescue... She started simply by stating the experiences we have shared with the group and the happiness... She assured me that she would stand beside me with whatever decision I took... When I had a chat with my mother... she explained me how difficult it had been for her for the past two years talking to people she loved so much and telling them not to visit her at our home just because she feared for me... I lost my hunger listening to my mother... Never had I thought that my decision would hurt so many people... I still had loads of love for them in a corner which I failed to recognize because I was so blinded by anger... I decided to leave my ego out of this and to get back to the people I loved so much...
I called Shatta the day before Nidhi's marriage and I apologized to him... He answered one of my question when he said "You are still hanging on to the reason for our separation while people are thinking beyond it..."
The marriage was a huge success and I finally met all of them... Everyone had one thing on their lips... Glad you are back!! Dhara said... "You are my husband's friend... and mostly people would just be a hi-bye types and mind their own business... even though we have just met just a handful of times... I really like you so much and you have a place in my heart... This again might be because of the way you are!!"
All my life I have thought and practised one thing... All or Nothing... Yes or No... all boolean but it works for me... Very complicated for many but I minus the emotional content from the decision I take on anything... I may be right or wrong... but then its only a perception... This was my thinking and will be... but I shall have to make certain amendments to this rule of mine... I always believed that its easier to gain and very hard to lose friends... because its as if you are tearing your heart out... In taking this decision to leave my friends alone... I left people who really cared for me and loved me... and whom even I missed and loved too... I have never seen so many happy faces...
A special mention of my sister ani... in this entire episode... who was instrumental in making me take the right steps towards this re-union... She is all grown up now and lot more mature than what people think she is!! And ofcourse hemibu and rajibu who are always present next to me all the time...
Le Roi Est Mort Vive Le Roi means... The King is Dead... Long live the King!!